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| hm so i've avoided blogging for a while because i wanted to avoid thinking about a certain problems in my life that i didn't want to face. and whenever i blog, the truth comes out, and my conscience just completely takes over, leaving my ego whipped and helpless.
but it's been a while.
so.
i really like pho.
haha jk. not about the liking pho part though.
ok enough avoidance. so my friend wrote an entry on how when it comes to head vs. heart, people always tend to follow their heart. and it's viewed as the romantic thing, the idealistic thing to do because your heart knows best, right? your heart has the simplest desire without all the mess that your head makes. it makes sense. it's like, following your intuition. BUT. knowing the risks and complications, why would you ignore your head and blindly follow your heart? isn't that just being irresponsible about your own well-being? it's like knowing full well that you won't be able to make a living out of your art, but it's what your heart tells you, so you should forget about the practical career plan your head made and just go do your art.
i think i've just convinced myself to follow my heart. because i'm a romantic and an idealist. i would so tell that person to do art because it's his passion. and DAMNIT do i wish i had a passion. i really really envy all the artists and musicians out there. i feel like i'm missing this important, passionate, burning flame that they all have inside. oh and devoted Christians too. but anyway, i'm getting off topic.
so what? is he supposed to just pursue this other career path because it's more practical and it will make his life easier albeit drier and passion-less? or maybe one would say get settled first! be financially stable first and then you can pursue art. but dude, by that time, he'll be so old. and plus you don't get the same experience as studying art in college and meeting all these other inspiring people. and i don't know how to translate the metaphor anymore.
what i'm saying is. is practicality REALLY better? is your heart really that foolish? can it really not tell the difference between love and lust?
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| Darkness surrounds me. It is cold and familiar; comforting in its stagnancy. Faintly but ever so clearly, a thudding noise intrudes my atmosphere. Ba-bump, Ba-bump, the noise steadily grows stronger, louder. Scared, I will it to stop. Changes make me uncomfortable, I long for the enveloping silence to return. It doesn't. Instead, I feel the water awaken, swirling around my body.
I could hear his slow breathing
through the darkness. His stomach gently rose with each breath. The
silence covered us like a blanket.
The thudding noise is everywhere now. I hear it around me; I feel it inside me. A vibration branches out from the center of my consciousness with each thud.
The moonlight reflected off the
surface of the lake and glowed around his silhouette. He was hunched
over, looking on the ground for the perfect pebble to use in teaching
me stone-skipping.
As the water keeps swirling, I suddenly feel a flash of warmth. It disappears so quickly that I think I had imagined it. It comes again, and this time it stays with me a little longer.
His eyes squinted against the sun at
me. His hair glistened with sweat, forming into defined pieces that
pointed wildly in all directions. Raising his fists in the air, he
grinned triumphantly. A picture of glory.
The water is alive now, alive and impatient. I feel it gently pushing me upward. I look up to see where it's leading me and see a feint light. An incredible desire and longing pours into my heart, and I start swimming, pushing down against the water to get to the surface.
He furrowed his brows slightly with
concentration. His lips were set in a grim line. The dull but warm
light created shadows on his face that accentuated his features.
Sensing my gaze, he glanced up, his iris a warm pool of honey.
My muscles burn, my lungs are screaming for air. I frantically struggle against the weight of the water. The surface is closer now, the light brighter. I ignore my body's protest and keep fighting, fueled by pure determination. My limbs start slowing down, fire bites from inside my body, my heart beats at an impossible rate to compensate for the lack of oxygen. Finally, I am there. My head breaks free of the surface, and I took my first breath. Sweet air fills my lungs and I hungrily gasp until my heart starts slowing down. I turn my face toward the sun and was blinded by its glory. A familiar voice calls out my name, its sound filling every single void in my heart. He calls again, his voice full of worry. As I open my mouth to answer him, I hear a splash, and find myself in his warm embrace.
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| get out of my dreams. get out of my head. get out of my life.
my heart can't seem to grasp the facts, and it just keeps hoping, without my consent.
how pathetic. i can't believe i would put myself in this situation. i can't believe i've strayed so far for you.
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| - women are not supposed to be romantic pursuers according to the bible. we can initiate friendships and respond to pursuers, but actively chasing after a guy may yield ugly results. and the reason for this is that the male is supposed to be the leader in a marriage, so naturally you want a guy who takes charge, who can lead, and the pursuing part is the first test. and if you are the one who has to take the initiative, the roles are reversed? i don't know. i still don't know what to think about this, being the pursuer in most of my past relationships. - i'm more selfish than i'd like to realize - most people who accept Christ later in their lives become curious/touched by God in the first place through Christian's love. not their achievements, not their abilities, not their judgements, not their ability to follow rules. - alcohol has a lower freezing point than water - bryant is awesome - some books were left out of the bible because they were not certain if those books were really written by the people claimed. - nothing beats authenticity. people welcome sincere words, no matter how vulgar, crass or raw they are. - nonchalant is pronounced non-shuh-lont, not non-kay-lent. - i love singing - i'm really not ready to date yet - banana is a type of plaintain (as asian is a race of human beings), it is the sweetest kind of plaintain. other kinds of plaintain look exactly like bananas, but are less sweet, some have a potato-ey, starchy taste to them. - most churches don't baptise babies anymore, because they want it to be the person's own decision. - a lot of girls still don't know their own bodies - not everyone is as comfortable talking about certain things as i am, lol - age difference really does not, and should not matter in friendships | | |
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